Articles     Topics     Issues     Print Issues     Stills     Archives
 

Issue 15
Spring 2008

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

August 17, 2019
 
Home      About       POLITICS   GLOBAL   SCIENCE   HEALTH   ECO   MONEY   SPORTS   ENTERTAINMENT   PERSONALS   LOCAL   HARVARD   RANDOM  MORE 
 POLITICS RELATED ARTICLES

Top 10 Reasons Why John McCain is Too Old To Be President

 
1. Under investigation for murder of McAbel

2. Voted for Articles of Confederation before he voted against them

3. Was Prisoner of War in Spanish American War

4. Will personally consume 20% of Medicare budget

5. Currently recovering from strain of bubonic plague

6. In attendance at last supper

7. Must have grabbed the wrong grail

8. Not only supports torture. He invented it!

9. Dated Eve for a short time

10. Seems to be missing a rib

11. Drew Faust just wrote a book about him

12. Grim reaper no longer returning Dick Cheney's calls

13. Only man who knows what other 5 commandments were

14. Took firm stand on creationism..."I was there!"

15. Watched first fish flop onto land, then kicked it

16. McCain: "I am the fossil record, bitch!"

17. Rumors of his death not greatly exaggerated  HSP 




 PREVIOUS ARTICLE
 NEXT ARTICLE


 SPONSORED LINKS




 SPONSORED LINKS




 SPONSORED LINKS



 
   
 
Home     About       Issues        POLITICS    SCIENCE    LOCAL    ENTERTAINMENT    ARCHIVES   
 
Powered By

Hosted By the
Harvard Computer Society

Funded By the
Harvard Graduate Student Council

Inspired By
The Onion


Download PDFs
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License Creative Commons License

 
The Harvard Satyrical Press is not intended for readers under 18 years of age (Disclaimer) (c) Copyright 2019, The Harvard Satyrical Press, Some Rights Reserved