1. Under investigation for murder of McAbel

2. Voted for Articles of Confederation before he voted against them

3. Was Prisoner of War in Spanish American War

4. Will personally consume 20% of Medicare budget

5. Currently recovering from strain of bubonic plague

6. In attendance at last supper

7. Must have grabbed the wrong grail

8. Not only supports torture. He invented it!

9. Dated Eve for a short time

10. Seems to be missing a rib

11. Drew Faust just wrote a book about him

12. Grim reaper no longer returning Dick Cheney's calls

13. Only man who knows what other 5 commandments were

14. Took firm stand on creationism..."I was there!"

15. Watched first fish flop onto land, then kicked it

16. McCain: "I am the fossil record, bitch!"

17. Rumors of his death not greatly exaggerated  HSP