Articles     Topics     Issues     Print Issues     Stills     Archives

Issue 15
Spring 2008

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 28, 2021

Scrabulous Master Limits Actual Vocabulary to Two-Letter Words

Buffalo, NY - According to multiple sources, Scrabulous virtuoso Joseph Delarosa has exclusively limited his everyday vocabulary to two-letter words. Until recently, Delarosa was best known for his dominance of Scrabulous, a popular application on the website. Delarosa, a 34-year old graphic designer, has competed in 2,065 Scrabulous games while compiling a 1,985-81-1 win-loss-tie record in the past three months. However, his unmatched devotion to the online game has resulted in the dwindling of his normal vocabulary to two-letter words, which can be very valuable when strategically employed in Scrabulous (or "Scrabble," the defunct cardboard version of Scrabulous).

"Two-letter words are the new 'S'," explains Scrabulous scholar Dr. Zachary Weiner of San Diego State University. "Every competitive Scrabulous player knows each of the two-letter words by heart. Apparently Delarosa has taken it to the next level — I expect that these will be the only 101 words he knows within six weeks." Those close to Delarosa claim that he was a generally talkative and outgoing person as recently as two months ago, but they noticed he started speaking less frequently and demonstrating peculiar word choices as his rise in the international Scrabulous rankings escalated.

Co-worker Tammy Bell first noticed the vocabulary transformation when planning a company-wide lunch event with Delarosa. "When our manager asked about what we should order for lunch Joe said 'No To Za', which we figured out meant he didn't want to order pizza. By that point he had been referring to pizza as 'Za' for a week or two, but it started to get weirder," Bell recalled. "When I'd ask him how he was doing, he would just say 'Qi Is Up'. It sounded like a medical condition so I stopped asking him how he was doing." In fact, "qi" is the vital force believed in Taoism and other Chinese thought to be inherent in all things, as well as "the new 'Ox' of Scrabulous [as it relates to strategic use]," according to Dr. Weiner.

Other reported commonly used phrases by Delarosa include: "Do Ab Ow?" (Does your stomach hurt?); "Ef My Ex!" (Curse my former wife!); and "It Is My Id, Pa." (The reason I disappoint you is because of my unconscious instinct to satisfy the pleasure principle, father). While many believe that Delarosa will permanently restrict his vocabulary to two-letter words, there have been recent reports that he has been overheard using several seven-letter words while laughing maniacally and compulsively repeating the phrase:





Home     About       Issues        POLITICS    SCIENCE    LOCAL    ENTERTAINMENT    ARCHIVES   
Powered By

Hosted By the
Harvard Computer Society

Funded By the
Harvard Graduate Student Council

Inspired By
The Onion

Download PDFs
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License Creative Commons License

The Harvard Satyrical Press is not intended for readers under 18 years of age (Disclaimer) (c) Copyright 2021, The Harvard Satyrical Press, Some Rights Reserved