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Issue 09
Spring 2005

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 23, 2025

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

Snoop Doggy Dogg Formally Announces 2008 Bid For Vice Prezzidency
I ain't no foreigner. I was born here. Long Beach. The LBC. 213. Nineteen Seventy One. Knee deep in the hood... (more)

CORPORATE WATCH

Wishing Fountains Soon to Accept Personal Checks

DOMESTIC POLITICS

The Electoral College Map After Global Warming

One Of These Pizzas is With the Terrorists

Dog Show Based Über-Patriotism Possibly Getting Out of Hand

Superman Being Investigated By INS

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Ode to the Wonders of Sleep Deprivation

Internet Access Now Limited to Patriots

Despite being best known as the "I'm resigning due to personal reasons" fall guy for the Bush administration's misuse of intelligence in its attempt to dissemble/persuade the public into supporting the war in Iraq, former CIA Director George Tenet still packs a punch when it comes to embodying the... (more)

HEALTH AND MEDICINE

FDA Withdraws Soma

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY

Bill Gates Arrested on Charges of Sexual Assault

Link is Dead

HARVARD NEWS

Controversy Mounts Over Comments by Harvard President Larry Summers

Harvard Police Log

GLOBAL POLITICS

Terrorist's Demands Getting Ridiculous

Saddam Reportedly Growing Rabbit Ears

Other Planets: Terrible Places For Dates

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STILLS Counter Counter Counter Point: Hil' Gets Washington's Spot Even Before She Takes Washington In 2004/2008? You Old Boys Have Been Drawn and Quartered, Biyatch	AIG Donates Bonuses to Pro Athletes
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