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Issue 08
Fall 2004
Helping America procrastinate since 1636
October 31, 2020
 
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 TOP STORY MORE NEWS FROM THE ARCHIVES
Ralph Nader Probably Also Hates You
Due to his infamous role in the 2000 Presidential Election, inciting many citizens to argue with passion about how Nader "stole" the election from Al Gore, Nader, the long time public defender and consumer advocate has incurred a significant amount of genuine hatred from many otherwise even-tempered... (more)

 HARVARD NEWS
Students Take Welcoming Speech to Heart, Stock up on Assault Rifles
Area Resident Wins Dunster House Look-Alike Contest

 GLOBAL POLITICS
Giant Mushroom Cloud Over North Korea Obscures Search For Weapons of Mass Destruction
Putin Enters Biweekly Weight-Lifting Program to Increase Power Even Further
Cheney to Live Up To His Word
For Various Reasons, Florida to be Moved North of Canada

Mississippi Renews Ban on Reproductive Science in Public Schools

 SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
Unfrozen Caveman Fails To Understand Obsolescence of Hunting
Population of India Rapidly Turning into Physics

 HSPN SPORTSMIDDLE
Take It From Me. Drugs Are A Really Bad Idea

 DOMESTIC POLITICS
Security Isn't About Wearing A Uniform
Peace Means Sometimes You Have to Speak Up

 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
There's No Way You're Getting Past the Secretary

Dr. Katz Professional Therapist (the actual guy) Thinks That We're Crazy.

 UPDATE ON THE ENVIRONMENT
Animal Still Exists Somewhere in Nepal

Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Kicks Off New Public Relations Campaign

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 STILLS


Local Bank Found to Actually Be Front for Raging Whorehouse


 


Writer's Strike Decreases Political Awareness of 18-49 Demographic by 96%


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