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Issue 11
Spring 2006

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

May 24, 2024

Summers Taps Bill Clinton as Student-Faculty Affairs VP

By Robert Dowlinger

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a bold and unprecedented move for Harvard University, lame duck President Lawrence H. Summers has named former U.S. President Bill Clinton to the newly created Vice President for Student-Faculty Affairs position. "Bill Clinton is a distinguished colleague, actually a former supervisor of mine, whose extensive knowledge of the student body makes him ideally suited for this position. I have the utmost confidence that student-faculty relations will improve markedly under Clinton’s always watchful eye."

Clinton, who responded to interview questions by telephone, spoke glowingly of his new post. "First, I must say that this is an extremely exciting opportunity. If I have my way with the students and faculty, I am certain that their intercourse, both within and outside of the classroom, will become both more rewarding and simultaneously, more intimate."

Clinton’s selection follows weeks of speculation regarding who Summers would choose, unhampered by the president’s own recent resignation. Back in May, Summers appointed a task force charged with "selecting a candidate that would make student-faculty affairs more personal, more common, and more stimulating." One member of the task force, Harvard College sophomore Lucy Anderson, was especially impressed with Clinton’s interview performance. "He spoke with such passion about wanting to serve the students' interests," she said, adding, "For several minutes during his presentation, I was deeply touched."

Effective immediately, Clinton will assume his post just as soon as he can close his law practice. When HSP asked Clinton to comment rumors that he may also be interested in the Harvard presidency, he brushed them off, explaining that he had other more important things on his mind, as he headed for a third consecutive champagne reception in his honor in Annenberg Hall.  HSP 





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