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Issue 10
Fall 2005
Helping America procrastinate since 1636
January 28, 2026
 
Home      About       POLITICS   GLOBAL   SCIENCE   HEALTH   ECO   MONEY   SPORTS   ENTERTAINMENT   PERSONALS   LOCAL   HARVARD   RANDOM  MORE 
 TOP STORY MORE NEWS FROM THE ARCHIVES
Iraq Declared "Safest Place in the World in the Event of a Hurricane"
Following the recent string of overwhelmingly devastating hurricanes around the globe, as a public service, the Bush Administration... (more)

 DOMESTIC POLITICS
Bush Unveils New Gulf-Coast Reconstruction Plan, Promotes Leadership Role for Pirate Sector
Yasser Arafat Spotted in Tulsa Wal-Mart
MBTA Transit Watch Pamphlet
Gay Terror Alert Updated to Perrywinkle

 HARVARD NEWS
Following Recommendations from HGWISE, President Summers to Become a Woman

 COMMUNITY SPIRIT
A Little Something For the Holidays
Area Students Make Pizza Delivery History
Top 10 Ways to Get Turned to Stone


Britney Spears Converts to Islam
In a press release this Tuesday, Britney Spears confirmed rumors that she has indeed converted to Islam. According to friends, Spears became interested in spiritual matters after becoming pregnant with... (more)

 UPDATE ON THE ENVIRONMENT
Bush Administration to Begin Oil Drilling From Baby Harp Seals

 SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
Scientists Find Source of Light at End of Tunnel
Where Did the Day Go?
Populace Rests Easier Now That Math Problem Solved

 ENTERTAINMENT
Network Hopes "Middle Class Cattle Drive" Will Be Hit with Viewers
Holy Shit! Paris Hilton Naked
Gas Prices In Perspective
Hear About That New Pirate Movie?

 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Why Adidas Should be Paying Me, and Other Rants


United States Discovers 1.7 Trillion Stashed Under National Mattress

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 STILLS


Blind, Invisible, Jogger Keeps Knocking Shit Out of People



Supreme Court Vacancy to be Filled by Large Pile of McDonalds Balls


 


Ultra-feminist changes last name to hyphen



Toaster Box Steals Bike, Loses Breath, Puts Down Kick Stand


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