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Issue 14
Fall 2007

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

September 26, 2023

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

US Prepares For Invasion, Sexual Liberation of Iran

After Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's controversial speech at Columbia University in late September, I knew we had found what we were looking for... (more)

RELIGION

Tom Brady Angers Christian Fans, Claims He is Better Than Jesus

Amid Controversy, Russel-Stover Cancels Line of Chocolate Gods Treats

HEALTH AND MEDICINE

Herpes Vaccine Found To Increase Sex Appeal

Study: Massachusetts Has Highest Rates of Wicked Retarded

ENTERTAINMENT

HSP Movie Reviews: Bruce Willis 5

"Bruce Willis 5" (2007) starts with a concept that should appeal to all of Bruce's fans: John McClane from Die Hard, Korben Dallas from The Fifth Element... (more)

Spam Writer's Union Enters Tenth Year

Hugo Chavez Elected President of the United States

In what observers are calling "the freest election in Venezuelan history," Hugo Chavez was elected president of the United States on Tuesday... (more)

DOMESTIC POLITICS

Jordan's Furniture Bets Obama Will Strike Out

Bush Amends Constitution to Ban Only Monogamous Gay Relationships

Don't Just Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

PERSONALS

Facebook Friend Request Mistaken For Actual Friend Request

My True Love Ate My Thesis

HSP COMICS

KLAUS (PDF)

SKÖR (PDF)

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY

Invisible Monkey Throws Visible Poop

Disappointed Would-Be Translator Told "Farting is Not A Language"

Area Students Make Pizza Delivery History

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STILLS Curly Fries Found to Curl Backward in Australia Blind, Invisible, Jogger Keeps Knocking Shit Out of People	Artichoke Nearly Untasteable in Spinach-Artichoke Dip Picture of Delicious Grapes Shown For No Reason
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