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Issue 14
Fall 2007
Helping America procrastinate since 1636
January 29, 2026
 
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 TOP STORY MORE NEWS FROM THE ARCHIVES
US Prepares For Invasion, Sexual Liberation of Iran
After Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's controversial speech at Columbia University in late September, I knew we had found what we were looking for... (more)

 RELIGION
Tom Brady Angers Christian Fans, Claims He is Better Than Jesus
Amid Controversy, Russel-Stover Cancels Line of Chocolate Gods Treats

 HEALTH AND MEDICINE
Herpes Vaccine Found To Increase Sex Appeal
Study: Massachusetts Has Highest Rates of Wicked Retarded

 ENTERTAINMENT
HSP Movie Reviews: Bruce Willis 5
"Bruce Willis 5" (2007) starts with a concept that should appeal to all of Bruce's fans: John McClane from Die Hard, Korben Dallas from The Fifth Element... (more)
Spam Writer's Union Enters Tenth Year

Hugo Chavez Elected President of the United States

In what observers are calling "the freest election in Venezuelan history," Hugo Chavez was elected president of the United States on Tuesday... (more)

 DOMESTIC POLITICS
Jordan's Furniture Bets Obama Will Strike Out
Bush Amends Constitution to Ban Only Monogamous Gay Relationships
Don't Just Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

 PERSONALS
Facebook Friend Request Mistaken For Actual Friend Request
My True Love Ate My Thesis

HSP COMICS
 KLAUS (PDF)
SKÖR (PDF)


 SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
Invisible Monkey Throws Visible Poop
Disappointed Would-Be Translator Told "Farting is Not A Language"

Now Marijuana Free, Snoop Doggy Dogg Finds Time to Dabble in Theoretical Astrophysics

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 STILLS


Counterpoint: Democrats Enshrine William (/Jefferson) Clinton Nickel. Would You Like A Mint? How 'Bout Them Apples?



New VCR Now Backwards Compatible With Old VCR


 


Nite Owl Stays Up Late



Andromeda Galaxy Found To Harbor Supermassive Black Hole, Known Terrorists, Says Ashcroft


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