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Issue 12
Fall 2006
Helping America procrastinate since 1636
June 07, 2023
 
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 TOP STORY MORE NEWS FROM THE ARCHIVES
American Torturers Decry Recent Outsourcing Trend
Nearly 5,000 members of the American Federated Torturers Association (AFTA) held a “Bring the Tazers Back Home” rally in front of the Capitol Building yesterday to protest the burgeoning trend of US corporations and government agencies outsourcing torture contracts to cheap foreign laborers, primarily in India, China, and Rwanda... (more)

 RELIGION
Jesus Outsources Prayer-Answering to India

 HARVARD NEWS
Grad Student Mistakes Dove Bar for Bar of Dove
Stochastic Processes Professor Assigns Grades Stochastically

 POLITICS
MBTA Transit Watch Pamphlet

 OPINION
Are Girl Scouts Human?

Area Man Smuggles 70 Kilograms of Liquid onto Plane

 GLOBAL POLITICS
European Union to Become 51st U.S. State
Angelina Jolie vs. Jeffrey Sachs

 CORPORATE WATCH
Shaving Your Face Off Has Never Been Easier
Hand Dryers Take Basically Forever

 UPDATE ON THE ENVIRONMENT
Snorks Found in Snapple, Beverage Company Considers Partial Recall
E.O. Wilson is Sick and Tired of Ants
NASCAR Fan Announces Plan to Save the Environment

 SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
Snoop Dogg vs. Eminem
NASA Announces Breakthrough in Orange Juice Carton Technology

 ENTERTAINMENT
Are You Not Entertained, Again?

In the Shadow of Rusting Steel Mills, the Struggle for Ninja Rights Continues

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 STILLS


Nite Owl Stays Up Late



Andromeda Galaxy Found To Harbor Supermassive Black Hole, Known Terrorists, Says Ashcroft


 


Ivy Leage Quietly Replaces Dartmouth With University of New Hampshire



Fallen Korean Stem Cell Scientist Stuns World With Claims of Phallic Enhancement


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