After A Dozen Ill-Fated Guesses, President Bush Identifies Hidden Contents of Aluminum Foil

Marijuana Legalizes People

Harvard Square Prostitutes to Accept Crimson Cash

Unimpressed By Current Presidential Candidates, McDonald's Endorses McGovern

Catholic Church Bans Left Handed Pencil

Gay Movie Comes Out

World's First Talking Dolphin Found To Be An Idiot

The Onion (TM) Mousepad Looks Cool But Leaves Strange Smell On Hands

UFO Sighting Turns Out Just to Be Some Trees