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Issue 14
Fall 2007

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 20, 2021

HSP Movie Reviews: Bruce Willis 5

 "Bruce Willis 5" (2007) starts with a concept that should appeal to all of Bruce's fans: John McClane from Die Hard, Korben Dallas from The Fifth Element, John Hartigan from Sin City, Butch Coolidge from Pulp Fiction, and Harry Stamper from Armageddon, are all the same man, a federal agent named Bruce Willis, working undercover in various disguises and centuries, and all of his nemesises from previous films have teamed up against him. That's a lot of background to cover, and they spend an agonizing four minutes on exposition, but after that the movie is thankfully free of dialogue other than one liners, grunts, and childish catch phrases.

This Veterans Day, Declarate your Independence!

The action is pretty good, like a cross between "Bruce Willis: Red White and Blew 'Em Away", and "Bruce's Last Stand II". Bruce has a gun which shoots trucks as bullets, and he naturally manages to ruin the livelihoods of every sidewalk street vendor in town stupid enough to get in his way. A mad scientist then unveils his latest invention, the "Fight Scene Teleportotron 5000", which is a great and believable way for fight scenes to take place at an abandoned factory, atop a runaway train, in the throne room of a Chinese emperor, in Starbucks, and on the moon. So it really helps break up the monotony. The high point for me was Bruce using the blinding power of his shiny bald head to make bad guys crash into each other. But it's not just about the action: when you see Bruce Willis shoot a guy so hard he falls back and hits the button that explodes the city, it really makes you think about life and stuff.

Unfortunately, Bruce can't be on screen every second of the film, but they add a handy "countdown to Bruce" timer in the corner so that you know when to start watching again. I highly recommend bringing a portable TV with you to watch some of Bruce's greatest hits during these lulls, as I do during every movie I attend.  HSP 





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