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Issue 09
Spring 2005

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

November 20, 2019
 
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Superman Being Investigated By INS

Smallville, USA - The U.S immigration and naturalization service (INS) has launched today a full investigation into the validity of Clark Kent's U.S. citizenship. Following Kent's arrest, INS spokesman Captain America gave a short statement to the press while casually brandishing a broadsword crafted from solid Kryptonite.

"I am personally disgusted at the vast conspiracy that has been surrounding Mr. Kent's legal status for so many years. Almost all of the people we so far interviewed admit to have known for years that Mr. Kent (a.k.a. Superman) was not born on U.S. soil, nor did he have American parents, and yet none of them chose to alert the authorities of his illegal residence. It was only with a recent tip from one L. Luthor that this matter finally came to our attention. It must be made absolutely clear that after the 9/11 attacks, we can no longer afford to tolerate illegal aliens hiding among us. For all we know he may be part of a sleeper cell, planted by some Islamic terrorist group. Being a superhero and saving the world countless times is no excuse for not going trough the proper immigration procedures as dictated by the law."  HSP 




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