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Issue 13
Spring 2007

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 28, 2021
Rainbow Bright Goes Goth

Indigo City, Rainbow Land - In a move that shocked the fashion world today Rainbow Bright (whose real name is Roeena Lifstein) appeared on stage at a fashion show in Milan wearing all black. Her entire ensemble was colorless, except for one angry streak of red in her hair. She also wore white makeup on her face, because, as she told one reporter "I want to look dead, you know, like a gothic person, like a real one, you know."

Ms. Bright, who has been the frequent topic of tabloid stories lately, told a shocked press corps that after a messy divorce and a brief stint in rehab, she was finally ready to shed her previous garrulous garb.

"I always felt like that dude from the bible, man," Ms. Bright, a native of southern California said, "like now I can be me, which is the real me, you know, like when you're surfing and you see a shark coming at you and it's like POW! ZAM ! WONK!" she said, punching three reporters in the head before sticking her tongue out (which was pierced) and running off to her parent's basement to hide.

Teddy Ruxpin, a longtime associate of Ms. Bright, said he was not surprised by her fairly severe new duds. "She was always a little extreme. Would you like to hear a story..." Mr. Ruxpin began, before his batteries apparently died.  HSP 





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