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Issue 12
Fall 2006

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 24, 2021
Grad Student Mistakes Dove Bar for Bar of Dove

By I.M. Kleen - CAMBRIDGE, MA - Graduate student Mark P. Terfelhowzer got the surprise if his life Monday morning while taking his biennial shower. Instead of coming out of the bathroom clean and devoid of dirt, the 45 year old comparative literature student emerged covered head to toe in dark chocolate and melted vanilla ice cream.

“What a moron,” noted roommate and long-time friend Weezelby Montague, “This is worse than the time he mistook Snausages brand nutritious dog treats for Jimmy Dean healthy long-life inducing breakfast patties!”.

“Believe it nor this happens a lot,” Said Mortimer T. Dovewyle, Chairman and CEO of the Dove Corporation and 12th generation descendant of Count Hezekiah Jethro Dovewyle The Fifth, the man who started the Dove Corporation in a small hut behind his castle in Normandy sometime in the middle of the 4th century BCE. The original Dove Corporation sold mostly magic amulets, swords and very few ice cream bars.

“This was before freezers were around,” explained Dovewyle, “So they had to have a serf stand next to a block of ice holding a bag of milk. Believe me, you don't want to know how they made the chocolate.”

“I suppose it could have been worse,” said Terflhowzer, looking thoughtful, “I guess I could have eaten a bar of soap.”  HSP 





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