Area Mom Extremely Relieved

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Area residents breathed a collective sigh of relief Tuesday at the announcement that the Gorenstein-Fratelli conjecture, which has remained open for over 120 years, has been proven true. Researchers announced this finding at a televised press conference at MIT Tuesday afternoon, watched live by an estimated 19 million people. "I think we'll all sleep a little better tonight, no longer having to live with the uncertainty of whether locally cyclotomic non-invertible N-manifolds exhibit uniform invariance under Vasolovich transformation, for N greater than 5," stated Dr. Paul Sarkin, one of the head researchers, "I know I will."

This sentiment was widely shared by those who heard the news. "Oh thank goodness. I've been waiting for this ever since reading on Dr. Sarkin's blog that they had submitted their proof of Gorenstein to the RMIRC [Richardson Mathematics Institute Review Committee]," Abigail Borton, 86, told HSP. "I was so worried that we'd end up with another Szolzhenetszcheim," she went on, referring to a 1997 proof of the Gorenstein-Fratelli conjecture that turned out to be fallacious.

But not everyone was fully satisfied. "I tell my kids the proof is valid, but that's only because I don't want them to have to worry. I myself am not convinced," said Diana Lee, 38. "I realize that the version of Axiomata they used supposedly has fixed all the bugs of earlier versions, but I don't think I have to remind people that Axiomata 1.4 showed the Golomokrov conditions to be consistent a couple years back," she continued, "and we all remember how THAT turned out."  HSP