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Issue 09
Spring 2005

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

October 31, 2020
 
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Saddam Reportedly Growing Rabbit Ears

Washington, D.C. - Saddam Hussein, once Iraq's brutal dictator has, for the past year or so, been locked up in a secret jail somewhere in the world. Though this may be nothing more than a D.C. cocktail joke gone out of control, supposedly, the exact location of Hussein's whereabouts are said to be so undisclosed that even the wardens responsible for him and Dick Cheney aren't sure where they are. But I digress. A recent leak from a source placed highly in the federal department of corrections, (i.e. somewhere near the top of the building), has revealed that Mr. Saddam Hussein - who is increasingly being referred to by his new pet name Sadi - is apparently growing rabbit ears. This anatomical marvel has completely befuddled the handful of medical specialists allowed to examine him. As one of the doctors recently told HSP, "...off the record, this new phenomenon with ol' Sadi has really befuddled us. Sure, he's not in a five-star hotel, but that's no reason to start turning into an herbivore on us." The doctor went on to express his fears of the political fallout that is now expected. Indeed we now hear of plans from both the EU and the International Red Cross to convene an emergency press conference to express their outrage that the erstwhile warlord/dictator is not being housed in an environment where his auditory appendages would be free from unexplained animal transformations.  HSP 




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