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Issue 16
Fall 2008

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 27, 2021

McCain: "I Will Not Rest Until I Am Universally Covered"

SCOTTSDALE, AZ - In an effort to demonstrate his passion for health care reform, Presidential candidate John McCain has finally embraced the notion of universal health care for himself. "It is a downright embarrassment that I spend more of my gross personal product (GPP) on health care than anyone in the world and yet too much of myself remains without adequate health insurance," McCain announced at a rally held at one of his personal health care mansions. "Health insurance is not a privilege or a responsibility, it is my right."

McCain has previously endorsed a market-based approach to providing health insurance to himself, but has reversed positions on the issue that has recently gained momentum in opinion polls John McCain had administered to himself. "The numbers are staggering," he continued. "Over 17% (66 million cells) of John McCain is not covered under the current system, and that is not acceptable. Just look around the world...every inch of Stephen Harper (PM of Canada) is covered...Gordon Brown (PM of the UK) grosses 34% less than John McCain yet he is guaranteed access to medical services with no questions asked."

In addition to expanding access to himself, McCain's health care proposal includes provisions that are thought to improve the quality and efficiency of the health services he receives, such the conversion of McCain's vast library of personal medical files (currently stored as paper documents or on slabs of chiseled marble) to electronic medical records. Critics of his plan have call it "Hillary-Care Part II," referring to Bill and Hillary Clinton's 3,500-page health care reform plan that sought to fully cover the former president, first lady, and the entire country in 1993. McCain has made it clear in his speeches, however, that his plan is "entirely about me" and that Americans should not "fear the threat of having health care coverage under his plan," adding that, "having adequate, affordable health insurance will be my burden to bear."  HSP 

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