Articles     Topics     Issues     Print Issues     Stills     Archives

Issue 10
Fall 2005

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

July 12, 2024

Following Recommendations from HGWISE, President Summers to Become a Woman

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Following firm advice from the Harvard Graduate Women in Science (HGWISE) panel, Harvard President Lawrence H. Summers has finalized plans to become a woman, his press office announced Monday. "Women can and will excel in every level of administration at Harvard - there can be no doubt about that now, or at least, by no later than the start of the Fall 2006 semester," remarked a beaming Provost Steve Hyman.

In a speech following the announcement, President Summers called on the other members of the faculty, especially those in the sciences, to consider becoming women as well. "For far too long, women in the natural sciences have struggled to achieve equal status with their male peers," President Summers said. "Indeed, in the past few years, the achievement gap has widened here at Harvard. Now, little by little, we will begin reversing that trend."

"At every turn, Larry has been upfront about his openness to change," noted Duke University President Dick Brodhead, who plans to show his support by wearing designer heels for a period no shorter than one year. "Although I don't plan to adopt President Summers' "go all out" approach to fighting gender inequality," added Brodhead, "I do commend Larry's efforts to make the Harvard community a more diverse, tolerant, and female academic environment."

Following the success of its initial phase of talks with President Summers, HGWISE announced that it would begin another round of discussion with the President aimed at increasing the number of minority administrators at Harvard.  HSP 





Home     About       Issues        POLITICS    SCIENCE    LOCAL    ENTERTAINMENT    ARCHIVES   
Powered By

Hosted By the
Harvard Computer Society

Funded By the
Harvard Graduate Student Council

Inspired By
The Onion

Download PDFs
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License Creative Commons License

The Harvard Satyrical Press is not intended for readers under 18 years of age (Disclaimer) (c) Copyright 2024, The Harvard Satyrical Press, Some Rights Reserved