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Issue 14
Fall 2007

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

December 18, 2018
 
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Facebook Friend Request Mistaken For Actual Friend Request

Brookline, MA - A facebook.com friend request has been incorrectly interpreted as a genuine offer of friendship by local undergraduate Christina Groake, according to 22-year-old Maggie Karp. The two Boston University seniors met for the first time at a common friend's 21st birthday party held last month where Groake and Karp had a few conversations, "mostly about how drunk [their common friend] was," according to Karp. Two days later, Ms. Karp added Ms. Groake as a friend on facebook.com, an internet-based social networking site. This event (not to be confused with "Events" as defined by facebook.com) led to mild confusion and a series of awkward online gestures in the following weeks.

"I just thought I'd 'facebook her' because she seemed nice and thought my shoes were cute," explained an emotionally exhausted Karp. The term 'facebook her' refers to the act of offering an online invitation into one's online social network, and is commonly used as a verb by students that exclusively limit their personal interactions to the online site and its applications. "Then she thought we were like [life-long best friends]," Karp continued. "First, she added that we knew each from being in an open marriage with each other, which is kind of funny I guess, but c'mon, she's not my best friend from high school!" It is common for straight women on facebook.com to suggest they are in romantic relationships with other females, mainly as misguided attempts to seem interesting or attractive.

"Next thing I know," Karp continued, "she's inviting me to two or three applications or events a day! I mean, I just met you, do you really think we're ready to compare movie tastes?" Karp continued to politely decline Groake's application overtures, but the facebook.com communications started to become more public in nature. First, Groake posted a personal message to Karp on her public "Wall" asking her if she got over her fight with her boyfriend. "I don't even think I mentioned him at the party," explained Karp. Groake then proceeded to poke, super-poke, bear-hug, sucker-punch, Crane-kick, liberate, phagocytose, and sauté Karp. She also gave Ms. Karp an electronic quesadilla as a gift.

The final straw for the strained online relationship came when Groake added a photo album named "Randoms of me and Maggs lol!" to her profile, which consisted of seven photographs of Groake and Karp from their only personal interaction at the party. "I was like, barely in the background of some of them, and I don't even think all the pictures are from her camera, which is kind of weird," Karp explained.

"What got me really ticked was one of her captions," which read "such a Maggie-face lol!" "Listen, [Ms. Groake], you do not know my faces, okay?" As a last resort, Karp attempted to stop logging onto facebook.com for two days, but realized that actually doing her homework, completing her graduate school applications, and in-person communication did not give her the satisfaction that playing Scrabbulous (a facebook.com application) could. "I guess I'll just deal with her," a resigned Karp concluded. Groake could not be reached for direct comment, though her personal status has been thought to be associated with "wishing for" and being "happy that it is FINALLY" Friday.  HSP 

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