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Issue 12
Fall 2006

Helping America procrastinate since 1636

January 20, 2021
Are Girl Scouts Human?

By Elise Baldacci
#1. Name an enemy. Identify a group that is generally regarding as nonthreatening, neutral, or non-controversial and make a convincing argument that describes that group as the 'enemy'. Don't hold back-- the goal of this assignment is to dehumanize. Write your manifesto.

Since its inception in 1912, The Girl Scouts of America have purported that “Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place.” Despite its popularity and overwhelming participation, The girl scouts of America is actually a malevolent nemesis that defames the reputation of our country's young girls and instead of building up proper character and esteem, it begins early teaching small children about segregation, dependence and conformity, and provides them with a false sense of accomplishment and belonging. Parents would do their children and the nation a favor by preventing their child from participating in the abominable organization.

They begin young. Girls as young as five are drafted through their friends and older siblings into a group that immediately segregates females and males. Unlike the Boy Scouts that concentrate mainly on outdoor activities, girl scouts, called Daisies at this stage, concentrate on more womanly roles such as crafts and selling cookies. This teaches girls not only that boys and girls should exist as separate and exclusive entities, but that girls are obviously weaker and should concentrate on building up a skill set that will allow them to serve their men when they are older.

"Hello Stranger"

Membership is open to “all” provided that families have the financial means to purchase uniforms, pay dues, and pay for activities in which the troop participates. As members, the uniforms help to mark the distinction between them and the ordinary little girls, who due to the inability to meet any of the aforementioned pre-requisites will be shunned and excluded from their activities. This mandated uniformity helps teach young girls that consistency is preferable, and when in doubt, one should gravitate toward those who are like them. Additionally, although the uniform provides a sense of belonging for those who bear it, this state is tenuous, and it is one from which they can figuratively and literally be stripped as soon as they are unable to pay their dues.

Girl scouts of all ages have the opportunity to earn badges that indicate to each other and to the world what specific skills they have accomplished. Among other badges of merit, girls can receive badges entitled: Ms. Fix It, Sports Sampler, Water Play, Exploring Healthy Eating, and Making Hobbies. In all certainty, earning these badges leaves each girl with a good sense of self-worth and accomplishment, but what really are these girls accomplishing? Nothing. A more suitable badge would be one at the end of each year that is called “Way to be a Normal, Developing Human Being”. The badge system not only instills in young girls the idea that they should and can be recognized for each any every tiny little thing they do, but it makes them feel like they are better than a) non-girl scouts who have not received those badges, and b) their fellow 'sisters' who did not choose to pursue those particular badges. This sense of superiority contributes to the latent competition first present in the young troop, and existing between them and other women for the rest of their lives.

Only $6.75 each.

In addition to badges, all girl scouts have the opportunity participate in cookie sales. This seems to be less about teaching girls 'life lessons' and more about making money for the troop and the national organization, however, the young girls 'take home' message should not be undermined. Many solicitors that approach consumers in their houses and in various shopping arenas are either quickly dismissed, or met with hostile criticism. Even as witnesses to this, Girl Scouts are not deterred, for the ubiquitous Girl Scout cookie is greeted annually with enthusiasm and anticipation. Even if a consumer is not interested in buying boxed cookies at three times the cost of fresh bakers cookies, many are eager to please the cute little girls, so bright eyed and full of hope; dressed in their well known green and brown uniform. Due to the fact that consumers are significantly less eager to please other solicitors working for other 'equally reputable' associations, one (girls scouts included) must deduce that it is the mere appeal of them being a group of cute little girls that attracts all the consumers. This deduction paves the way to women who have a more coquettish nature as adults; for these girls have learned from experience that they can use their physical appeal and reputation to gain attention and favors from others.

As one can see, there are many qualities in Girl Scouts that make them an ostensibly worthy and valuable association. However, a closer glance at these 'qualities' reveals that they really contribute to poor self-esteem, and conforming and subservient women who have learned to follow standards and guidelines previously set for them as opposed to think for themselves and challenge themselves to meet their individual full-potential.

And fuck them for not letting me into their stupid club.  HSP 





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