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Issue 10
Fall 2005
Helping America procrastinate since 1636
October 28, 2025
 
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Top 10 Ways to Get Turned to Stone

1. Peeking when making out with Medusa
2. Pissing off Jabba the Hutt
3. Masturbation
4. Standing in the same spot for geological timescales
5. Wizards going postal
6. Judging a Baselisk beauty contest
7. Transporter accident near Yosemite
8. Eating too many Tums
9. Being stoned to death very slowly
10. Asking a hearing impaired genie to make you a rock star
11. Getting really stoned

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